deadlyanthrax

I'm at my mum and dad's house again. I'm not sure how long I'll be here. I'm not sure of anything anymore. Only that I love him so much and my heart is broken.

I hate myself. I hate that I've done this to him and I hate that this is the only thing I can do. Because he'd hate me more if I put his needs over his son's and I would too, even more than I already do.

Ok, I'm writing this because I have a lot of rage at the moment and if I don't get it all out then I'm going to end up snapping at people, like I just did to my poor mother on the phone when she asked "How's my baby?"

... Cue long rant from me about 'how dare she presume' and 'she had her babies, this is my baby' and so on and so forth until I ran out of steam and she said "...Well, actually love, I meant you."

This is going to be fairly damning of the whole spectrum of humanity so maybe taking a pass on reading it is a good plan.

( Read more... )

My musical tastes are not what you'd call up to the minute, so I'm often bewildered by what's hot and what's not and why god why, why would you inflict this onto our already beleaguered planet?

Occasionally though when I'm online I will catch a name here and there of a new "artist" but that's all they'll be to me unless I check it out further: a name I've seen in a few sidebars and google sponsored ads. Occasionally my curiosity will get the better of me and I'll look up an interview or a song and sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised. Most of the time I am not pleasantly surprised. Most of the time I curse my own inquisitive nature and go and have a little cry and mourn the apparent death of good taste.

Case in point: Ke$ha. I knew nothing about her, apart from the fact that the letter s was too good for her, but without wanting to unfairly judge her quirky spelling, I investigated why this was.

"Actually, it's like ironic?"

Oh get out. Get out now.

It's so strange not being her friend. She was my best best friend for so long, but now we're like two complete strangers. I don't know if I like talking to her again, it's so awkward and stilted and bizarre because it's her and I'm not used to being like that with her.

I wanted him so badly last night, but that probably would have be worse because I've actually never been in a room with the two of them before and... yeah, can of worms.

I'm confused.

I wish I had an evil twin. That is all.

I've been feeling a bit fat down lately, feeling like I'm repulsive a bit run down and hideous tired. So in the interest of my continuing self esteem, I've decided to remind myself how lovely I am with a picspam of photos where I display said loveliness ^__^

( Is it hot in here or is that just me? )

Now all of you say nice things about me. No seriously, say nice things or I will cry. And if any of you say that I have a wonderful personality I'll never forgive you.

Fairy tales don't tell you what happens ever after, just that it was happy. Can one word fit the rest of their lives? Can there be happily without sorrowfully?

Against my own better judgement, I went to the saturday yoga class yesterday, but luckily Maria had come on her own. We talked, she apologized, I said that I wasn't angry with her, she told me that Josie wasn't really like that and she didn't know where it all came from and so on and so on. She's lovely, Maria, but I really think I'm going to switch to the Wednesday class, that was all kinds of awkward. Plus it's not fair that she feels like she has to go on her own because I'm there.

Anyway >.<

On Friday I went to see Daybreakers with Dan, and may I just say, films about golden eyed vampires called Edward who don't like drinking human blood? They did it right :D

It was basically Dead Set only with vampires instead of zombies, but it was brillliiiiaaaant. There was maximum gore with minimal dull romantic sideplots, vampires who died in the sun and when staked through the heart, decapitation, projectile vomit, dismemberment, betrayal, heavy death tolls. I... was so happy <3

It was more sci fi than horror, it was basically about a whole society of vampires (who'd been turned by a large scale epidemic that started with one bat. Oh bats, I have missed you <3 <3) where the supply of human blood is running out. All the remaining humans are either fugitives or in these blood farms (very much battery more than free range. This upsets some vampires who feel a bit shit for treating the humans like blood balloons). Vampires who don't drink human blood turn into these mutated bat-like uber-vampires called "sub siders" with no higher brain functions that attack other vampires, which is clearly not kosher, and the government adopts a zero tolerance policy of killing them on sight. The problem is that in less than a month the entire population will end up like that, unless more blood or synthetic blood is discovered.

What I liked most about this film is that it showed both the glamorous side of vampirism and the monstrous side. Increasingly, we only get to see one side or the other, and it's usually the glamorous sexy immortal side. Vampires exist in fiction to show the dark side of humanity, without that dark side then it's just Peter Pan in black tights instead of green.

... well, currently, asleep in a little duvet nest I made up around him so he didn't freeze, the silly sausage. XD

I'll probably get in trouble for that silly sausage remark later on, but when you burst in at half five, shushing your own knees and giggling, only to sing the "sorry, sorry, I was noisy but your face forgives me" song when you see that your wife is already up, then you certainly haven't been a sensible sausage.

He fell over then and started hugging my ankles for a bit so I sat down with him and we had a chat until he fell asleep, right there on the floor, in the middle of a story about why all the best cows are French.

Lol just.... ha. I love him. And my face forgives him.

My cousin, the lovely lovely Shirley has started a journal pintsizedpixie

Some of you met her at my wedding in December, you should all friend her, she's great. Very shy, retiring girl. Doesn't get out much really.... Lol, ok, I'll stop before she hits me.